Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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