hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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