sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Of course I have a pirate flag
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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