I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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