It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
