I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
