by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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