I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
