I CAN MOONWALK!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
