So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
