I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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