Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
