farters have to be the big spoon...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
