Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
