dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
