I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
