Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
