There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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