It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
