The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
