Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
