so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
