I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
