So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
