I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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