Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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