Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
