hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want her autograph on my taint
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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