pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
did you just send me my own nude
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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