I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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