we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
