she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
