they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
