My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
