My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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