It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
