O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
