i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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