Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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