Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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