am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
