dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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