You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
