Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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