life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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