i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
