Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
