i can't believe i had my finger in that
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
