i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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