i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
