Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
