I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
