Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
