If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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