no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
