watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
