my phone needs a breathalizer
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
