Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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