So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
