where am i from again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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